Halloween Part 1

We should first get out in the open the fact that I think Halloween is the most pointless "holiday" ever. 

I think it should be renamed "punish the moms day" because that's what it really is. 

That being said, some awesome things did happen tonight. 

At our ward party I volunteered for the cake walk, which was totally micromanaged. I just had to sit back and laugh. What type of person thinks a cakewalk needs that level of oversight? The worst that could possibly happen is the seven year olds mob the cake table and suddenly you're out of cake. And really, isn't that a GOOD thing because then nobody has to run the game, right? Anyway. 

The Trunk R Treat part made me giggle, too. I handed out glow sticks and pencils. (Just trying to do my part to support China.) 

Did you know kids these days don't even say "trick r treat!"? They just hold out their bags. And if you aren't fast enough, they shake them at you. Seriously? Who is raising these hooligans? 

I ignored the kids who did this until they either went away or spoke the magic words. 

After I ran out of glow sticks and just had pencils, kids were trying to take my $20 vanilla scented flameless candles and LED balloons. Um, no. Those are my trunk decorations. I'm kinda surprised nobody tried to walk off with the pumpkins. 

After our ward's totally lame party, we went to the ward party hosted by my in-laws. These people know how to throw a party. There was a bounce house, cotton candy, train rides, and a REAL haunted house. Plus, it was all outside (except for the haunted house, which was in the barn) and there wasn't any lame music too loud to talk over. Also, the people who go to my in-laws ward are WAY more friendly than the people in my own ward. 

While I was there I fell into conversation with a woman who was wearing her baby. Clearly, we had loads in common. At some point her husband comes up to us and randomly joins the conversation with this,

"and if you have a hysterectomy, you can't have the big orgasms any more. You can still have the small ones, but not the big ones". At which point MY husband walks up and wants to know why I just said, "oh wow". 

Some people can't tell the difference between first and second date material. That was CLEARLY second date territory. Alternately, I could have gone my whole life without hearing about female orgasms from a man I've never met. But it was totally the highlight of my evening, because I got to come home and tell you. You're welcome. 

PS I will get the kids' costume pictures, I promise. My "good" camera was out of batteries tonight and I didn't have time to get them replaced, what with running to the costume store 30 minutes before our party started. I super don't recommend that. The line for checkout was INSANE.

Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal

I've invented something.

I don't think it will come as any great shock that this something contains food. After all, I'm assuming you read the title of the post.

This morning my son was trying to talk me into "Whole Cream of Wheat" yet again. I have a rule: Cream of Wheat is OK every other day, not every day. On non-cream of wheat days, breakfast is a battle.

I offered eggs. I offered smoothies. I offered cold cereal, oatmeal, even apple PIE oatmeal. All I got was a lot of pouting until I figured that if I could make apple pie oatmeal, I could probably also figure out pumpkin pie oatmeal.

He said yes. Thank the heavens.

Granted, this recipe makes enough food to feed my family for two mornings. I consider that an added bonus. Now I don't have to come up with a breakfast he won't sneer at the day-after-tomorrow. Score. 

5 cups water
1 cup whole milk
sprinkle of salt (maybe 1/2 tsp for this amount of oats?)
2 1/2 cups oats (I like old fashioned but mostly have quick right now)
3/4 to 1 cup pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix)
1/3-1/2 cup brown sugar (SOME members of my family don't know that breakfast doesn't have to result in a sugar coma...those people added yet more sugar to their bowls. Cretins. Or maybe I should call them pre-diabetics?)
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp cloves

Mix it all up and cook at boil on the stove for 2ish minutes. Take off the heat, throw the lid on for another few minutes to let the oats finish softening. Enjoy.

Clearly, this would be better with whipped cream on top, but then, what isn't?

Honesty and a Surprise (may be a Trigger for some)

I've been debating when, exactly, to tell blog land what is going on in my life. I've put it off because I'm not interested in other people's opinions about what I should or shouldn't do, and I haven't been interested in the drama that might ensue when I detail exactly how I plan to go about life over the next few weeks.

But what I really need right now is some honesty and I figure the best place to start is to be honest with myself. So here goes:

In about 66 days, I'm going to have a baby.

Surprise.

Now here's the thing; when I get pregnant, I also get super emotional. It's called antipartum depression, and it sucks. This pregnancy I chose to go un-medicated for a number of reasons I'm not getting into here. Bottom line, when I'm depressed I get needy (and kinda snarky), and being needy/snarky has a tendency to alienate pretty much everyone.
Hubs even wrote me a strongly worded email yesterday. That's kind of huge for him.
It's like 9 months of the world's worst PMS.  Shocked we're still married? Me too. Even more shocked Hubs let me get pregnant again? Ditto.

Have you noticed that when people ask how you are, and you actually tell them, they look at you funny? I never get tired of that. "How are you?" "Well, you know. Fat, tired, and generally ticked off at the world." dead silence
You should try it. It's the bright spot in my day. I do feel a little sorry for the cashier at the gas station, though. I'm pretty sure the correct response to that isn't in the employee handbook.

Anyway, lots of crap happening here, most of it related to gestating, but pretty much life currently feels like a giant cl*ster f*ck.

I've also been struggling with some MAJOR trust issues (more on this later) that are making life...interesting.

So to sum up; I'm hormonal, moody, stressed, my clothes don't fit, everybody hates me, I trust no one, and I'm having a baby.

I can't say I'd trade places with anyone, because I have some very dear friends who'd put up with all this crap just to have a baby. To be honest, this kid wasn't that easy to get earth-side. I am thankful for this new little life.

I am not thankful for the PTSD I have from my last birth that's haunting me in a MAJOR way on an hourly basis as this birth grows nearer. I'm not thankful for being so hormonal my family feels like they're walking on egg shells. I'm not thankful for the lack of a health care provider I can trust.
I just wish there were an easier way to get through this.

Luckily I'm married to the most patient man on earth and my kids are mostly cute most of the time. Otherwise, I probably would have run away by now. Unlike other life problems, it's rather difficult to run from an ever expanding belly.

So now you know why I've been a major witch lately and haven't been posting much. Feel free to unfollow me or whatever. :/
Alternately, you could send me some positive vibes. That'd be cool, too.

The point of this over-share was to relieve some pent up negative energy and give my poor husband a break. He thanks you. So do I.

Yesterday: The Day I Had a Brilliant Parenting Moment

My kids have been craving one-on-one mom time, so yesterday I made it happen.

First, The Boy and I drove to a pumpkin patch were he was allowed to choose any pumpkin he could carry. We ended up with a pie pumpkin, which is just fine with me, I like pie from scratch. In fact, I bought a hand-mill for that exact purpose a few years back. :D

Then we made a quick stop to pick up potty training incentives for Zsa.

Back home to pick up Dad and Zsa Zsa. Dad and The Boy went to the soccer game (did I mention Dad is helping coach the team? Yeah, I thought it was funny, too).

Then Zsa Zsa and Mommy went to the produce store where she promptly picked THREE pumpkins. But, altogether they were cheaper than at the patch, so I let her get them. She also helped pick our apples and generally charmed the rest of the clientele with her booming voice, hilarious commentary, and princess cape. (Two year olds are the bomb)

We met up with the guys at the park and watched the end of the game. After a quick lunch at home, The Boy decided he needed ANOTHER Mom Date, so we went to Costco. I let him wander without a time limit in the toys section, which was so fun.

At the end of our trip I had a BRILLIANT idea. Seriously. It's Saturday at Costco in Arizona during snowbird season. The store was packed. The checkout lines were long. The Boy had a practice to get to, AND he wanted ice cream. So while I waited in line to check out, I sent him and two dollars to wait in line at the food court. You remember he's four, right?

So he waited patiently, got to the window and ordered his OWN chocolate ice cream in a cup and paid all while I watched from the checkout stand. He was so proud. *I* was so proud. Also, we saved enough time that we made it to his practice without being late.

Beside getting his own ice cream I think he was most pleased with the change and receipt in his pocket, which is kinda funny. Nobody can say I'm not doing my best to raise a self-sufficient kid. Or one whose good at reasoning. When I asked for my change back, he said "Well Mom, it's in MY pocket, so that means it's MINE." All right then. Just this once you can keep it. But 10% is going in your mission jar.

Funny Girl

In the elevator (or alligator, if you're Zsa Zsa) my little girl turned toward the only other child in the car and said, "Guess what? I'm your BEST friend!" with such genuine enthusiasm and heart-felt truth behind it, I couldn't help but bust up laughing. The child's dad said, "good to know". I thought he was a good sport.

At dinner, she said, "my brudder's O-gurt has eighty-saurus on it! My plate has eighty-saurus, too!" It turns out, eighty-saurus means writing, which I did not know, and I'm guessing neither did you.

I love two-year-olds. They make the best comediennes, and for the most part, have no idea how funny they are. :)

PS The Boy did exactly zero cute things today. Four year olds are less cute than questiony. He definitely asked his 437 allowable questions today. And all before we even left the house. His current favorites start with, "mom have you ever?" For the record I've not ever eaten alligator, been to Mars or seen a space alien in REAL LIFE. Nor have I been to the bottom of the ocean or heard of people eating jelly fish while they are swimming. I have, however, eaten Swedish fish while swimming. But then, I'm just crazy like that.

The Boy's First Story

For school this week, The Boy wrote his first story. I thought I'd share. (Daddy was the transcriptionist.)

October 14, 2011


There was a little boy that was called *Jim, and there was a big tractor. And Jim had a little car. And he drove it to the big tractor. 
The big tractor was a crane and it picked his car up with him in it. And it turned and put him down, down, down, down, down, into the trash dump.
And he was trying to get out before he reached the fire. And he got out when a magnet picked him and his car up. And he told the magnet to drop him. Then the crane came again, and it was looking for him. It looked everywhere and it's gas ran out, and it couldn't move any more. The End. **Twelve Bucks.
*Of course The Boy named the main character after himself, so I've changed the name here.
**Do you know who Brian Regan is? 


Barring the fact that he borrowed quite liberally from Toy Story 3, it's pretty good for his first story ever, no? We will have to work on his over-usage of conjunctions, but maybe we will wait for a few months before explaining the parts of speech. :D

Bragging

It's totally bragging, and I don't even care.

My four year old is just a few requirements shy of passing Kindergarten according to the Arizona State Standards. We worked on one of them today. He totally aced it in 5 minutes.

The rest I think he doesn't have the brain development for yet, so we'll try again in a few weeks.

Until then, I think we will play with math and writing stories. We might also blow some stuff up do a little science.

LOVE LOVE LOVE teaching my own child. :D

PS My little girl is pretty much the best at puzzles. She especially loves those geo blocks which you can manipulate into your own picture.

Holy Smokes. Home Schooling is awesome. =D
We are done with school by 9am and can play for the rest of the day. How cool is that? Seriously. And how neat is it that I can delay a skill he's not ready for, or add in ones that wouldn't be "allowed" if he were taught in a group? I'm not gonna lie, it takes a good part of my brain power coming up with ways to teach him, since I'm not a teacher by nature, but it's so much FUN I don't really mind.

I'm sure we will have more speed bumps in the near future but for now, it's fantastic!

The Boy and Zsa Zsa

I'm seriously considering renaming this blog, "Brilliant Things My Son Did".
He's getting to the clever stage and I'm constantly amazed.

For instance, the other night he didn't want to go to bed, so he formed a coherent argument instead of just whining like he'd normally do. "But Mom! Some people are NOCTURNAL." Upon recounting this conversation the next day to my friend within his hearing, she asked, "Well, The Boy, do you know what nocturnal means?"

Accompanied with a sigh and eye roll worthy of any teen he replied, "nocturnal is when you're awake at night and sleep during the day." We were both impressed. I was less impressed when I found out he learned the word from TV. I'm trying so hard to get rid of that thing, I hate when it has redeeming qualities.

Another argument he made this week was early in the morning. Like 5:30 in the morning. He came into the parental unit's room and said, "Since you're still really tired and sleeping, can I watch TV?" (I told you I hated that thing, right?)

Also this week we were working on math sentences, specifically the concept of "greater than".
He decided he wanted to write his own sentence to go along with our manipulative math lesson so he wrote this: "10>5?"
When asked about the question mark he said, "They go at the end of sentences!"
Thus began our lesson on punctuation. He was fascinated, I swear. =)

Zsa Zsa continues to be a bright spot in my day. She's so eager to agree to anything I propose, it's such a refreshing change from some other children I could name. I dread the day she figures out doing the dishes, or pretty much anything Mom suggests, isn't really all that fun. "Mom, I want to play a game wiss you." "OK! Let's play 'Clean the Oven'!" "YAY!"

I also love her little half lisp. I kind of hope she doesn't lose it for a while because it's so endearing.
"Mama, I want to snuggle wiss you" is my favorite thing to hear.

She's my naturally optimistic child, and I get a kick out of her sunny disposition. It makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside. :)

Zsa Zsa is a perfect study in how modern toys aren't any better for us than the sticks our multiple great grandparents had. Her current favorite toy is a shoe lace. Yes, I'm totally serious. Sometimes she uses it with the lacing card horse it came with, and sometimes she uses it without, but it's in her hand nearly the entire day any time we're home. Battles ensue at bedtime when mama (wisely) insists strings do not make good bedtime toys. She is awfully stubborn, though. I can't think where she gets it...