Argh! Or Calling the Cops On My Four Year Old

STOMP! made an appearance at The Children's Museum today, and since our year pass was about to expire it seemed like a good time to make one last trip. These things always seem like a good idea in theory. Upon arrival we saw FIVE full size school buses. Yes, FIVE. And a news van. Hoo Boy.

Well, we went inside and got ourselves settled for the show. It turns out our bit of carpet was vacant for a reason; the sun was particularly blinding in that location. Oh well. I figured that fact fit in with the five full sized school buses out front. The Boy was so excited to see STOMP! since I'd been showing him YouTube clips. While we were discussing this, Zsa Zsa managed to sneak off. Museum staff were alerted of her disappearance and after a few minutes we located her, 5 feet from where I'd been sitting. Obviously she wasn't there the whole time but I was glad to have her back, at any rate, regardless of where she'd been.

The kids and I had a repeat of the conversation in the car on the drive over; namely if you can't see Mom, Mom can't see you and THAT IS NOT OK. Stay where you can see Mom or when you are found, we will all leave immediately! If only I'd left with them after that mini-disappearance. It was but a foreshadowing of things to come. (dum dum DUMMMM!)

After the show (which kind of sucked, by the way. Even the STOMP! guy said so...) we went upstairs to play. AGAIN I said, "if you'd like to leave this room, come tell Mommy first!" The kids did pretty well at first, but when it was time to move to a different exhibit, The Boy said he'd like to go to the bathroom. Well, that's just fine, let me get your sister and we'll go. By the time I got her collected, The Boy was no where in site. I figured he REALLY had to go and had high tailed it to the restroom so Zsa and I made our (laborious) way there. No Boy. Hmmm. Well I'm like 40 million months pregnant and I was standing IN the restroom so it's not like I could pass up the opportunity and Zsa, regardless of the fact that she's back in diapers, likes using the mini potty and sink so she needed to go, too. She also felt the need to strip from the waist down, including her socks so it took a while to get her put back together. The Boy was still missing.

Zsa and I combed the third floor looking for my missing spawn. We alerted museum staff. Nothing. More nothing. On a hunch I took Zsa and we looked through every exhibit on all three floors. We checked back in with museum staff. Nothing. I walked the entire museum AGAIN. More nothing. At this point it had been 30 full minutes since I'd seen him last.

Now, we go to the Children's Museum almost weekly. My kids are VERY comfortable with that building and go missing regularly, but I'm usually able to locate them within two or three minutes, and they have NEVER strayed from the floor on which I first lost sight of them. They have their favorite exhibits and it's easy to find them. Until today.

When we reached the 30 minute mark I told the employee in charge of the search that it was time to call the police. I'm not an alarmist when it comes to my missing children. I know they are usually playing somewhere completely oblivious to my searching for them. But half an hour in a rapidly emptying museum? That was pushing it, even for me. The employee said that I could talk to his supervisor about calling in extra help. My response to that?
"You can call whomever you like to talk it over, I'm calling the police NOW. It's been 30 minutes." I had my finger hoovering over the second 1 in 9-1-1 when his radio crackled and the freaking gift shop reported having found my son.

He was THREE ever loving stories away from where he'd first disappeared. In the year we've been attending the museum, we have NEVER EVEN ENTERED the gift shop. That's a can of over-priced worms I haven't felt the need to open.

You might imagine that I felt all kinds of relieved to have found my son but the only emotion I've felt since the whole thing started is anger. I'm so MAD at my kids. "Stay where you can see Mom" is simple. It's direct. There's not a lot of ambiguity with that statement. Both kids are totally capable of following it. Both kids completely ignored me and made me waddle all over this freaking museum we only go to because I'm trying to be a good mom. I have a pair of THE most ungrateful children on planet earth and I'm really REALLY sick of being their mother. How did I end up being totally taken for granted by my kids?

Anyway, it turns out The Boy had taken the elevator to the first floor to use the bathroom we normally use on our way in, and then had decided to stay down there and browse the gift shop without his mother. I am glad we didn't have to call the cops and issue an Amber Alert, but Sheez Louise. If I don't have an extra three gray hairs from this experience, it's not because my kids didn't try.

Answers to Common Pregnancy Questions (It's not what you think)

1. Wow! It looks like you're about done with being pregnant! Are you? No, you freaking moron. I LOVE having a watermelon that kicks displacing all my internal organs for months on end. I especially love the handstands on my bladder and the fact that my hips have spread far enough apart to making walking through a doorway squarely a near thing. It's AWESOME! Five weeks is seriously an eternity at this point. Thanks for bringing it up. Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day moping. Good job. 
2. You know what causes that, right? Yes. Whipped cream and handcuffs. 
3. What are you having? Well, I'm a human and so is my spouse, so I'm going to go with "human baby". Have you had experiences that would lead you to believe I should be expecting something different? Although a Time Lord would be cool...
4. Is there anything I can do to help? Probably. But I'm going to say "No, I'm fine" because you haven't talked to me in almost a year/I barely know you/I think you're a moron/I have a hard time excepting help from others (pick one). However if you show up to take one or more of my other kids one day or drop by a healthy meal around 4 or 5pm, I might just dissolve into tears of gratitude. Delivering a cup of crushed ice would probably net similar results.
5. How many kids do you have? Two. Wow. I heard three is really the breaking point for so many people. I mean, you only have two arms. What are you going to do? Giving my crankiest child to you has crossed my mind. 

Chemical Romance? Or Not

I have this four year old, and it's really easy for me to forget how GOOD he is, compared to other kids his age. I guess I needed a reminder that really, he's fantastically behaved most of the time.

Cue creepy music


That is, until yesterday.
Our normal Sunday evening consists of going to Grandma and Grandpa's house for dinner. While there, The Boy always finds time to go to the barn and sit on the quads. He loves the quads. He loves imagining himself driving the quads. Everyone is fine with this arrangement. At least, we were until yesterday.

About 7pm a younger cousin comes in crying and waving his arms about. Cousin smells strongly of chemicals. Older cousins come in carrying a container of metal cutting fluid called Tap Magic. The eye wash makes an appearance and cousin gets his eyes rinsed and then gets thrown in the shower for an extended scrubbing.
About this time, The Boy wanders in. Oh my. He smells like Tap Magic. He has a chemical burn coming up on his face and the back of his neck.
After washing and some extensive questioning during which we promise no one will get in trouble, we just need to know EXACTLY what happened, we learn the following~
The Boy and Cousin actually found TWO bottles of Tap. They thought it would be fun to squirt them all over the barn, themselves, and each other. In the process, they also got the quads and the motorcycles.
Hubs and I went to the barn to investigate the damage. Who knew two six ounce cans could go so far?

We had an intense and prolonged conversation about NOT PLAYING WITH CHEMICALS EVER.

Fast forward to this morning. We woke up to The Boy in the upper reaches of the laundry room cupboards, spraying chemicals and a mysterious white power all over the entire room, my hall and himself.

In a bit I'm running to the store for zip ties. From now on, a certain little boy is getting cuffed to his bed at night to preempt his mama getting any more grey hairs. And Grandpa has promised to lock the barn for the next few weeks before The Boy comes to visit.

I am NOT in love with this behavior.

Note: after a visit with the doctor today, it turns out he's got an ear infection. That kind of explains the rash of nasty behavior he's been having. Acting out when he doesn't feel well is kinda par for the course with this kid, as is not actually TELLING us what's WRONG and expecting us to read minds. 

Yesterday: The Day I Had a Brilliant Parenting Moment

My kids have been craving one-on-one mom time, so yesterday I made it happen.

First, The Boy and I drove to a pumpkin patch were he was allowed to choose any pumpkin he could carry. We ended up with a pie pumpkin, which is just fine with me, I like pie from scratch. In fact, I bought a hand-mill for that exact purpose a few years back. :D

Then we made a quick stop to pick up potty training incentives for Zsa.

Back home to pick up Dad and Zsa Zsa. Dad and The Boy went to the soccer game (did I mention Dad is helping coach the team? Yeah, I thought it was funny, too).

Then Zsa Zsa and Mommy went to the produce store where she promptly picked THREE pumpkins. But, altogether they were cheaper than at the patch, so I let her get them. She also helped pick our apples and generally charmed the rest of the clientele with her booming voice, hilarious commentary, and princess cape. (Two year olds are the bomb)

We met up with the guys at the park and watched the end of the game. After a quick lunch at home, The Boy decided he needed ANOTHER Mom Date, so we went to Costco. I let him wander without a time limit in the toys section, which was so fun.

At the end of our trip I had a BRILLIANT idea. Seriously. It's Saturday at Costco in Arizona during snowbird season. The store was packed. The checkout lines were long. The Boy had a practice to get to, AND he wanted ice cream. So while I waited in line to check out, I sent him and two dollars to wait in line at the food court. You remember he's four, right?

So he waited patiently, got to the window and ordered his OWN chocolate ice cream in a cup and paid all while I watched from the checkout stand. He was so proud. *I* was so proud. Also, we saved enough time that we made it to his practice without being late.

Beside getting his own ice cream I think he was most pleased with the change and receipt in his pocket, which is kinda funny. Nobody can say I'm not doing my best to raise a self-sufficient kid. Or one whose good at reasoning. When I asked for my change back, he said "Well Mom, it's in MY pocket, so that means it's MINE." All right then. Just this once you can keep it. But 10% is going in your mission jar.

THREE.DAYS.

Swimming lessons are over, thank heaven. During the second week, The Boy would.not.get.in.the.water.

It took him three days and losing the privilege of going to Cars2 on the second day to tell me why. He didn't like it when the teacher let go of him. SERIOUSLY!?!?! THREE.DAYS.

Tonight at dinner was more of the same. He was refusing dinner until I guessed that he wanted me to cut up his burrito. He was going to skip dinner, rather than tell me he'd prefer it if I cut it up for him.

We had a big fat discussion about how you get what you want faster, if you come out and SAY IT.

Shades of his father, coming through. I may try sticking my head in the still-broken oven again. Seriously.
At least The Hubs is learning. The Boy still has a ways to go.

This week he also said stuff like, "When is the world going to be over?" and "I'm ready for the world to be over". Talk about giving a mom a heart attack. He said it so solemnly, I'm considering taking him seriously...and to a child psychologist.

In happier news, Zsa Zsa has turned into quite the little fish. She's so daring and adventurous it's a little nerve-wracking. Every once and a while she scares herself and gets less (much less) adventurous for a while.
The Boy seems to really be enjoying tumbling. I'm not sure what I'm paying for since the  first day I asked what he learned, and he said, "jumping over a pillow". Every time we drop him off and drive away, Zsa Zsa says, "I lost my brother!" Once, she was sleeping at home when I dropped him off and when she woke up, she said, "Where my brother go!? Get my The Boy!" She's started to refuse afternoon naps because she's afraid he'll leave without her, which is kind of cute. MUCH cuter than making Mom guess what might possibly be wrong. Equally cute is how fast they both went to sleep tonight. The Boy was snoring before Daddy finished stories. That never happens. Thank you swimming, going to the movies and tumbling all in one da...zzzzzzzzzzz.

The Saga of the Binky Continues

To preface: I hate pacifiers. Hate them. We weren't going to use any with Zsa Zsa, but then one night a few weeks after we got home from the hospital, she was just so fussy and didn't want boob so I caved and gave her a binky. It totally worked and I got hours of blessed sleep.
At 18 months, she seemed ready to give it up, but then I was in school and she started needing the binky more and more.
When Zsa Zsa turned two, I REALLY wanted to take it away and just be done with the stupid thing. But we were getting ready to move. Again. So I didn't.
Now she's 29 months and A.D.D.I.C.T.E.D. 
So today, we told her she's a big girl now, and we're happy to let her have the binky in bed or in the car. She's not the kind of kid who will just leave her binky in the crib, so The Hubs tied it to her bed. (We also tied one to the car seat.)
Is so doing, we've inadvertently solved another of our Zsa Zsa parenting woes, the fighting of the nap.

Zsa Zsa spent the morning going from the bed to the great room. Finally when we called her for morning devotional, she wouldn't come. I checked on her a few minutes later and found this.

At 11am. It made going to make 1pm church SO much more tolerable. :D

The Insanity Continues

Holy potatoes, Farm People. I'm insane. You'd think after yesterday, I'd have learned my lesson, but no.

Today I inflicted the same torture on myself, except this time I decided to skip the stroller. Because obviously, that's easier, right? I figured the kids would enjoy the chance to ride the  mall "alligator" up to the second floor. I was right, they did enjoy it. I did not enjoy chasing down my two-year-old as she barreled headlong toward the down-escalator. (Shouldn't the down escalator be a de-escalator or something?)

I ended up bribing my children. The deal was, if they were good, we could get a treat on our way out. We bought some jewelry to go with my new dress (the one I bought yesterday after Dad came on duty) and then we proceeded to check out a couple shoe stores. When I sensed the kids were done, I told them how brilliant they'd been and how I'd appreciated their good behavior. Then I gave The Boy a choice and it all went downhill like a de-escalator on steroids.

I asked if he'd like a treat from the candy store or from the ice cream store. (You Idaho people would not BELIEVE the malls here. They have entire stores dedicated to sugar. It's amazing.) Here is our conversation. You can trust that this is a verbatim exchange because I brought along my stenographer, Ethel. Or it's an argument we have on a regular basis. One of those.
"Boy, would you like a treat from the candy store or from the ice cream store?"
"Um...I choose BOTH!"
"You cannot have both. You need to choose one."
"I want THREE choices."
"OK. You can choose candy, you can choose ice cream or you can choose nothing and we'll just go home."
Cue meltdown.
"But MOM!!!!! I just really want BOTH!"
"That's OK. You can want both. However you can only choose one."
Massive amounts of gut-wrenching sobbing commences. Mom and sweet little girl get on the de-escaltor. Pouting boy follows. At the bottom of the de-escalator the conversation resumes. 
"Mom! I really want a treat!"
"I'd love to get you a treat. Would you like candy or ice cream?"
"MOM! I WANT BOTH!" Hysteria sets in. 
"Son, I'd love to get you a treat, but now you've lost the privilege."
Mom walks through the entirety of JC Penney holding a toddler and towing a preschooler who has somehow managed to attach himself to Mom's leg. Occasionally he tries to get in front of Mom to halt her progress and otherwise makes a scene. Old people who should by rights be dead or moved back to Indiana by now look on with sympathy and amusement. 


One would think getting to the parking lot might end such a poor display of mall manners, but oh no. Not for my child. I was forced to carry two children to the car. Once there, I tried again to reason with my son-turned-Banshee, to no avail.
Then he had the nerve to keep unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the car door. That would never do, strictly from a safety standpoint, so I did want any other hick from the backwater would do when pushed beyond limits and worried for the safety of her offspring: I spanked him. Oh, don't look at me like that. I didn't spank him because I was mad. I wasn't mad at all! In fact, I was happy to help him with this learning experience. I just wish I'd gotten a pair of shoes out of it, is all. I honestly could not think of another way to keep him safe on the way home that didn't involve candy AND ice cream. Or CPS.

The Boy is having a TERRIBLE time making choices. When he has to choose between two good things, he just can't. He chooses both. He can't have both. He needs to learn. Can you imagine if we just kept giving him two good things? He'd have to move to Boulder City, CO so he could have two wives.

The fit continued until 45 minutes after we got home. He had to spend that time in his room, because by then, I had a headache.

I'm kind of at a loss here, so I'm turning to you, Blogghers (and hims). How do you teach your child to make a choice?

Scripture Study with Small Children

As you may know, we have two smallish children in our home. You may also know we are religious people, and as such, we feel a need to study the scriptures as a family regularly. We also want to instill within our children the same belief systems we have. We want them to grow up to be good people and share the same beliefs we feel guide and shape our lives.
OK, that being said, have you ever tried to read the bible to a four-year-old? It's not exactly attention-grabbing for that age group. Also, even if you manage to get them to sit still and quiet long enough to read a chapter aloud, it's not like they are going to get anything out if, right?
So we kind of gave up for a while, until a more child friendly approach occurred to me.

Here's what we do: At the beginning of the week, The Hubs and I will pick one or two scriptures that meet one or more of the following criteria.

• addresses a particular issue our family is facing that week, like faith or obedience
• teach a basic tenet of our faith, like tithing or charity
• is at most two verses long (this will change as our kids get older)
• can be discussed and explained to toddlers/preschoolers

The next trick was to find a consistent time in the day to do our scripture study. Right before bed was DEFINITELY not it. We hit apon breakfast. The children are eager to talk with us first thing in the morning, they are willing to stay in one place, since there's food in front of them, and they are fresh and chipper from a full night's sleep.

After we have our morning prayer and dish out the meal, I say something along the lines of "OK, now it's SCRIPTURE time!" I will recite the verse, ask the children if they know the meaning of certain words, explain the lesson behind the scripture, ask for questions, and then we teach the scripture to the children. Throughout the day, such as in the car, or before naps, I will recite the scripture again and the children will then get a chance to take turns reciting it. When we feel they are getting bored with a particular verse or have mastered it, we move on to the next verse, usually doing two a week. Occasionally we will review scriptures we've already learned.

This has been the most meaningful our scripture study as a family has ever been. I'm sure as our children grow and change our methods will change, but for now, this is what's working for us. :)

Happy Sabbath.

Germicide, it's the new black

Dear People of East Mesa:

Please, please, please teach your children to wash their hands. We are midway through the third bout of stomach flu go-round since we moved back in January. Luckily my kids are pretty immune to this sort of thing, but I get it every.single.time. I wash. I bleach. I hold germ banishing pagan rights. Still, I come down with the Rocky Mountain Two Step every time it goes viral.

This never happened before we moved to the Ghetto. My children inherited their  iron tummies from momma, however mine has apparently rusted through.

Help a girl out? I simply can not spend this much time in bed! (or the bathroom)

In case you didn't know, here's how to properly wash up.

Note: Not that my four year old remembers to wash. But feel free to remind him. I'll return the favor.

Katydid Funeral

A while ago I wrote about our impromptu Katydid Funeral.

Here it is, in pictures.

Poor, poor dead Katydid

The pallbearers 

(As a side note, if you would like to tell The Hubs I need a new, non-broken camera go here)

Even the gravedigger is sad.

(side note dos: if you would like to tell The Hubs to get me some photography lessons ASAP, go here)

This is my favorite photo, but I'm not saying why. 

(Let's just say it's a shame The Hubs isn't wearing football pants.)

Not Perfect-Day Five

This morning I woke up to trails of vomit off both sides of The Boy's bed where it pooled on the WHITE carpet. Today also happens to be our once-a-week-preschool-day to which The Boy looks forward all.week.long. He's sick enough I don't think he minded missing it.
Because he was sick and I had some important Facebook school business to attend to, I broke my own "no TV, ever" rule. PBS was on all morning. And Veggie Tales played all afternoon. He hasn't left the couch except one time after I gave him aloe vera juice, to barf it up. (at least he made it to the toilet first.)

I decided to stay home today because I didn't have any clean bras because my son was sick. I remoted in to my class. It's not the same with Sesame Street on in the background.
The upside of staying home is I got lots of (barfy) laundry done. :)

The upside of today was that I got through my math homework without yelling at The Hubs even one time. Trust me, this is an improvement (and something I've been working on). It's a really good thing he's my math tutor, because I would get kicked out of the math lab if I yelled at their tutors, and sometimes, math just makes me angry.
I think our marriage will survive Algebra, but I'm not taking bets for it we make it through calculus (shutter).

Again, Not Perfect

There has been a rash of recent mommy-blog bashing wherein everyone is sick of the "perfect mom" pose people are taking when writing their blogs. The notable exception among blogs I read regularly being Erin over at Things I Learned Talking To Myself. (Erin I really hope you don't mind me sending traffic your way or referencing you in my blog, dang girl, you are funny and I totally feel all your new mom pain. It's only been three years since I went through that but it DOES get better, promise.)

So in an effort to alleviate the pressure everyone feels from reading how perfect *I* am (commence laughing now) this week is going to be "Not Perfect" week. I'm going to document all the stupid things I do and/or caused through shoddy parenting. Starting with today.

Today the boy said, "Oh my Go" and the end really sounded like 'd' but may have been 'sh'. Did I mention we were in CHURCH NURSERY?!?!?! NO? We were. I would like to point out that he has never heard this particular expletive from a parental unit, but I *may* have exposed my son to another kid who uses, eh hem, *salty* language on occasion. Oops.

I have a strict "No Homework On Sunday" policy, Sunday is a FAMILY day. Today I did homework. Lots of it. For all the classes I'm currently taking. In my defense, Saturday was spent traveling to and from Utah for my aunt's funeral. I brought my books. Heaven knows why because I get sick if I read in the car, but I brought them!

The Baby thinks its funny to blow raspberries with her tongue sticking out. During Sacrament Meeting. No amount of tongue-pinching deters her. She also thinks it's effective to throw a major hissie-fit any time she doesn't get EXACTLY what she wants EXACTLY when she wants it. She may be right. I have absolutely no idea what to do about this or WHY Cheerios, or the absence thereof, can cause such drama! I also do not remember anything even remotely similar when The Boy was nearing two years old.

I think I just figured out why people never write about the stuff that goes wrong in their lives. I'm feeling a bit depressed...

I Wear Designer Babies

I'm a Babywearer. No, that's not a brand like Jimmie Chu or a weird cannibal version of clothing. I wear Custom Designed Babies specially crafted by God, The Hubs and me (we're a team).
They are wonderful, these Designer Babies.
With The Boy, I had a ring-sling designed by Dr. Sears I wore CONSTANTLY. It was great for mad dashes through airports or getting the vacuuming done before The Hubs got home from work or school. It fell short in the hands-free arena, though.
So with The Baby (who is now nearly two) I use a Wrapsody by Gypsy Mama. It's WONDERFUL.

 Us on a recent hike (it was WINDY!)

 NOTE: I don't have to hold the baby with my arms, this sling is totally hands-free.

But now the government is trying to legislate yet another aspect of our lives and tell us something that is totally normal, totally loving and yes, ancient is in fact harmful to our children. Sound familiar? No? I'll give you a hint: they did it with birth. 

This is some pretty good info on the current legislation along with the people  you can call to make a difference.

So I'm writing this post to tell you that I never feel closer to my children than when I'm wearing them. For me there was a learning curve to baby-wearing, but it wasn't modeled for me and people think it's weird that I wear my children (especially as they get older). I had a grandpa stop me in Costco Saturday asking how it worked. He thought it was a curtain. 

Visit this blog for more information on the government's attempt to dictate how we parent our children. Maybe baby-wearing isn't for every momma or every baby and that's OK, but don't you want your children to have the CHOICE?

Also go here for ways you can help.
And one more awesomely well-written blog on babywearing.

I'm Thinking....I'm Thinking...

I've been thinking about THIS:

a LOT lately.

(Stina, I'm justifying right for you.)

Sorry ADD moment. What was I saying? Oh yeah.

Babies.

Everyone is doing it. Having babies that is. Oh my. You know what I mean. 

So it occurs to me that MY baby is the age The Boy was when I had her. 

That worked out,

sort of.

So maybe it's time to be hearing the pitter-patter of little feet around our house again.

Then again, maybe I'm nuts.

Here are the Pros and Cons

PROS

Babies are nice 

Babies are cuddly

that whole "multiply and replenish" thing hasn't been repealed

we *might* be able to afford another kid

pregnancy is the only way to stop my hair falling out (that I've found so far)

We have all the clothes for either gender

I like nursing

CONS

pregnancy makes me tired

I like sleep, babies don't

no maternity health insurance coverage

I JUST had the carpets cleaned

we'd need a new car

So I feel like The Thinking Man in Night at the Museum (the second one).

He looks all smart and like he has all the answers, but really he just says, "I'm thinking....I'm thinking..."

My Kiddos

I keep wondering what I should write about. Serious, serious writer's block.

So I've decided on the old stand-by, The Babies. 

Except, I'm really mad at The Boy today. 

He was VERY naughty at nursery, taking toys, pushing, stealing marshmallows....I sent him to Daddy-twice. Daddy sent him back. Then I was mad at The Hubs. 

But now they are both napping and so I like them better.

THE BABY

My Baby is the sweetest little girl, mostly. 

She cuddles, she loves to sing, 

and she has this really cute habit of babbling a lot of things only she understands and adding a word we know at the very end.

"badabadabada bankie."

"badabadabada sippie!"

She loves shoes and putting on her own pants and scissors. 

She loves Daddy and her brother (I don't even know why, he's so mean to her)

She loves Mommy

Today at church she kept pulling out the hymnal and saying 

"SONG!" 

and

"badabadababada SONG!"

really loud, during the talks.

It was cute.

THE BOY

My son is very into knights, dragons, fire birds and castles.

His auntie keeps buying him knights, dragons and fire birds and making him cardboard castles.

Now at bedtime he doesn't want a normal book, he wants a 

"pretend story" wherein he's the Star, Sir The Boy.

And we, the parents, have to come up with new and interesting story lines 

EVERY

NIGHT.

Last night it was my turn.

The story starts out with King Daddy and Draco (the good dragon) getting lost.

Queen Mommy, Sir The Boy, Baby and Buttercup go looking.

Prince Humperdink has captured Daddy and Draco. 

He wants Buttercup.

Queen Mommy has a plan.

But she needs a wheel barrow and a Holocaust Cloak. 

King Daddy and Draco are saved. 

The End

 

 

Car Seat Safety

I have a 15 page paper on infant hypoxia (low oxygen) caused by infant car seats. I'd really like to post it to the blog, but I can't figure how that would work. Plus, it's not my paper. (It came from an RN at the International Babywearing Conference.)
If you would like me to forward it to you, leave me a note.
Not all 15 pages are words. Some are x-rays!
Trust me, it's very interesting.
The general gist of the paper is: infant car seats are not designed for pre-term and term babies less than a few months old. The shape and size of the baby's head and the shape of the carrier causes the head to jut forward and partially occlude (close) the infant's airway leading to periods of low oxygenation which in turn can lead to various forms of brain damage and even death.
The recommendations by the study authors are: only use car seats for travel and minimize travel in the first few months of life and when traveling, use an insert, like a towel roll, behind baby's neck and trunk to help position the baby's airway.
We've all heard of babies who died in car seats. This is why.

Love, peace, and safe parenting,
Idaho Becky

Crunchy Mommies

This is a paper I wrote for my sociology class on a subculture to which I belong. :)
It's boring. Promise.

CRUNCHY MOMMIES

     You've seen us; we’re everywhere. It doesn’t hurt that we’re also loud and proud of our parenting ideals. Some call us Granola Moms or Holistic Parenting Activists, but I prefer to think of us as Crunchy Mommies. We’re the ladies who birth at home, nurse well past the first year, wear our babies and shun bouncy seats, swings, TVs and other “parent substitutes”. Our entire world revolves around our children and raising them in the most natural and nurturing way possible.


One way to spot us is to look for symbols; visual signs that convey a meaning to a group of people who share a subculture. For Crunchy Mommies this would include things like baby slings, cloth diapers and wheat germ snacks. If a Crunchy Mommy has a baby that isn’t a good walker yet, you can bet she’ll have a Moby Wrap, ring sling, Mai Tai or some other soft cloth baby carrier to use instead of hauling her offspring around in a car seat. Die-hard Crunchy Mommies carry their toddler and baby in a soft wrap at the same time. CMs are typically environmentally minded and prefer to use cloth diapers the majority of the time, but since we’re also smart women, these aren’t the cloth diapers your momma used on you! Fuzzi Buns, G Diapers, Bum Genius and other newer brands are contoured and have a removable insert that flushes, so they’re less of a hassle than old school cloth diapers while still enabling Crunchy Mommies to be “Earth Conscious”. They also come in myriad designs so we can show off our Fashion Consciousness as well! CMs are also extremely aware of what we feed our children. You’ll see us in the supermarket reading labels and vetoing anything containing High Fructose Corn Syrup or trans fats. We tend to make most of our food from scratch so we know what’s in it and can ensure the proper nutrition for our families. Some obviously Crunchy ingredients include: bulgur, quinoa, wheat germ, soy beans, tofu and lots and lots of fresh vegetables.



Crunchy Mommy’s symbols are also what make up our material culture-or physical items created by our subculture. Lots of CM’s make baby slings and wraps to sell to other mommies. We whole-sale the cloth diapers of our chosen brand and even make and sell organic baked goods and other consumables. An example is a group of moms who created Bountiful Baskets, a produce co-op, which they run to allow other Mommies access to fresh produce at cost.

Crunchy Mommies also have their own language, or system of symbols we use to communicate with one another. You’ll hear us in spirited conversation over such things as VBAC, HBAC, HBA2C, water births, free birth, tandem nursing, baby wearing, co-sleeping, and free range kids. VBAC, HBAC and HBA2C are all related. VBAC stands for vaginal birth after cesarean. HBAC is home birth after cesarean and HBA2C means home birth after two cesareans. The reason there are so many Crunchy expressions involving child birth is because a bad birthing experience is often what leads a woman to become a CM. A Crunchy Mommy has realized the system is set up to benefit the hospital employees and doctors, not the birthing mom. Once she realizes this, she also sees nearly all the ways we are encouraged by society to interact with our children benefit others, not our children or ourselves-- which leads us to co-sleeping and attachment parenting. We are told by “experts” our children must learn to sleep by themselves before they can even talk, let alone care for themselves. Why? Crunchy Mommies question that logic and then embrace bringing the baby into the parents’ bed. This has the added benefit of easier night time nursing. Babies who co-sleep are generally happier and very well adjusted. We also embrace attachment parenting, which is a philosophy that encourages parents to keep the baby with them as much as possible. Hold, snuggle, sleep with and generally have your baby near you at all times. Slings and wraps make this possible. All my children enjoy being in the sling or wrap while I do my chores and fix meals. They frequently fall asleep during vacuuming!

Crunchy Mommies value, or hold as a standard, ideas that help them parent their children in the best way possible. For most of us, this includes the idea of keeping your child near you almost always while they are in the formative years. Crunchy Mommies are very careful about who they let spend time with their children. For example, my children do not attend day care, even the child center at the gym, because there, I do not control who interacts with my children. Before my pre-schooler is allowed into someone else’s home, I get to know the family first. I invite their children over to play and spend time with the mother. If I am even a tad cautious, my child doesn’t spend time without me in that home. Our teenage babysitters must spend several days in our home with all of us before I consider letting them tend my children alone. For the most part, we put our kids to bed and then the sitter comes over to make sure the house doesn’t burn down on date nights. Crunchy Mommies also prefer Joy School and home school to traditional public schooling because we value being able to teach our children in the way that best suits them. We are also in control of the curriculum, so if we want to skip over certain parts of culture that are taught in public school (like children’s stories about homosexuals) we can. With slightly older children, Crunchy Mommies appreciate the values taught in the philosophy of Free Range Kids, or children who are allowed to play outside unattended. They go to the park by themselves and other activities that help children learn their limits but that are generally frowned upon by the general populous.

The norms, or rules by which Crunchy Mommies live, state that each Mommy does what is best for her particular child without regard to society. Each CM trusts that every set of parents knows what’s best for their child/ren. This will vary family to family and child to child. The ideas described above, such as birthing at home and wearing your baby, cooking healthfully, and home schooling are generally regarded to be the norm among Crunchy Mommies. Lots of CM’s participate in produce co-ops like Bountiful Baskets to help achieve the eating healthfully goal on a budget. It’s also the norm for Crunchy Mommies to avoid working outside the home, which means most of us operate on a very tight budget. Most CM’s are grateful to be able to raise their children so holistically.

I didn’t start out life as a Crunchy Mommy. I was a normal person until an emergency cesarean changed my life forever. Once I got over the trauma that surrounded the very unnecessarean (another subculture word) I received, my Le Leche Group members opened my eyes to another way of living. I slowly started to participate in this subculture that felt an awful lot like it belonged in San Francisco, not Idaho Falls. The more I gave up how I thought society was telling me to raise my kids, the more I enjoyed parenting. I found that as my family made choices that moved us closer to each other, it also moved us deeper into this groovy subculture of Crunchydom. Now I’m so crunchy, you have to poor milk on me, just to choke me down!

The Grandest of Canyons

The day before our planned migration, I had the brilliant idea to leave THAT DAY and stop over at the Grand Canyon instead of going directly to St. George. I've never seen it, despite it being the biggest tourist draw in the entire state. Amazingly I convinced The Hubs it would be a good idea. He may have since changed his mind...
I can't decide whether to curse or thank www.hotwire.com for making it possible. Honestly, who reserves hotels without it these days? I got all our rooms at close to half off. :)
I called a good friend to tell her our crazy change in plans, and she offered to watch BOTH the kids so The Hubs and I could run around like headless chickens finishing up last minute details in the morning. (THANK YOU THANK YOU, S. You're a lifesaver and a super hot pregnant lady, btw.) We left town at a little before two in the afternoon. (Did I mention we made the decision to travel a day early on the day we traveled? Yeah. With two kids. I don't recommend it.)
We arrived at our hotel with super cranky kids and reasonably calm parents. After baths for the kiddos, getting them settled in bed wasn't a big deal. That night was a little rough on the 'ol parents, as the bed was SUPER soft, and we're just not used to that level of "luxury". We like our sleep numbers at 100. :D
Anyhoodles, I woke up early and attempted to exercise but nearly died from the elevation. Sea level to rim of Grand Canyon=HUGE difference. So after 30 minutes, I got everyone up, dressed and down to breakfast. All that plus packing the car took THREE hours. We didn't drive into the canyon until 9. (Well, into the park. I doubt I'd be typing if we'd actually driven into the literal canyon.)
It turns out the Grand Canyon isn't so much fun with little kids, but my expectations were super low, so it worked out. Here's a sample of the day:
"Hey! get back from there!" "WHY??!" "Because, you silly boy, you'll fall in!"
and
"Look Mom! A SLIDE!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO! Not a slide. Canyon. CAN-YON."
Almost no hiking took place, which is just as well. (See above reference to elevation changes.)
The Hubs and I have been talking about doing Havasupi for an anniversary trip. After this little experience, I mentioned I'd like to do some Blood Doping before the planned hike. The Hubs is NOT on board with that plan. Needles, you know. Oh, and the part where blood is involved. He's not so into that. Sometime remind me to relate "The Uterus" story. It's a GREAT one, for, you know, embarrassing my hubby.

We continued on to St. George in reasonably good spirits, visited some cousins and Aunts and Uncles and turned in with a little more difficulty than the previous night, but nothing this super mom couldn't handle.

To Be Continued...
I'm done blogging for the night. Despite this being Mother's Day, it super sucked for me so I'm going to bed so it can just be OVER already.

Toddler-isms Version 1.2

"I flying my airplane legs!" (laying on his back with legs in the air)

"I dump you over mom!" Said after he plowed into me to give me a hug. We both ended up perpendicular to the ground. It's now a game.

"A good day, NOT a bad day, Mom."

"Bugs in my bum!" (aka stinky diaper)

"I go pee in the potty! I get a STICKER! Two stickers Mom?" (nope, only 1 for pee)

"Love you, Super Bear" said the mommy, with a catch in her throat.

Hiking With Babies

Saturday was a perfect hiking day. Overcast with a slight breeze and temperatures in the high 60's.
As the title may suggest, the parents over-estimated their parental powers and supposed they could take a one and two-year-old on a reasonable 3 mile hike. The parents are idiots. 

There's a super-cool hike not far from us that ends, we are told, in a geological formation covered in Native American Hieroglyphics. I cannot confirm this report as we didn't get anywhere near close enough to tell. We borrowed a backpack for hauling S (thanks Stina) and put V in the baby wrap, and headed out. DH and I thought we timed it so the baby would fall asleep while we walked. We are, as I previously stated, idiots. After three different wrap-carries and liberal use of both pacifier and bum patting, we ended up just carrying the baby in our arms. Further complicating things was the toddler who kept saying, "I want down, Dad. I get out now. Go on ground!" And then, "Carry me!" Yep. So not even half way to our destination, we turned around carrying both kids and the kid backpack.
Ah, the lessons of parenthood. I learned if you want a good upper body workout AND cardio at the same time, take your babies on a hike. :) Oh, and take along some ear plugs!
DH and I have plans to return sans kids later in the week. Hopefully I'll have some cool pictures then.