Jun 3, 2011

Groundhog Day

Lest you think this is another poorly timed movie review, let me assure you the title of this post has nothing to do with the actual movie, and more to do with my life at present.

My life is SO boring, so the same these days, I start thinking things like this: Exactly how much Vicodin would one have to take before "falling" onto a branding iron and cauterizing their own hemorrhoids?

I write witty/acerbic/snarky responses to other people's Facebook Posts and the delete them (usually) before I hit publish, because I don't actually want people to unfriend me, even if my witty/acerbic/snarky reply is spot-on. (Which it usually is)

I write witty/acerbic/snarky FB posts 15 million times a day I never post, see reason above.

I've started trolling the medical blogs so that I can write my witty/acerbic/snarky comments on the blogs of people who will appreciate them. We have a different sense of humor, those of us who've worked in medicine and particularly paramedicine (for the 3.4 seconds I did that job). Because really, you have to be able to find the humor in the guy so mashed up from the MVA that he fits in less than half the body bag. Otherwise, it would be impossible to go to work every day.

Along those lines, I've been looking for a job. I found the perfect one. Pretty much I'd fly all over the country harvesting non-transplantable organs from nearly dead people to use in demonstrations at medical conferences wherein we show the latest surgical techniques. Doesn't that sound like its EXACTLY up my alley? Let's count the pros:
1. The patients are already dead (mostly), but not yet smelly
2. I get to pretend I'm a doctor whilst carving up said dead people
3. I get paid for it.
4. Mostly on the weekends, so I don't have to get a sitter

1. None
It's brilliant. Also, it has the added advantage of not being what I do every day currently. As I said, it's brilliant.


Diane Arnett Gardiner said...

Oh my GOODNESS! YOU my friend, need to find something to get you OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

Thanks for the use of your pump. I'm bringing it back to Fi's today-she says she still needs it. It worked wonderfully for me. And TA DA!! Monte cleaned out the garage yesterdy and found mine so if yours ever breaks down you know who to call!

Becky said...

I know. I totally do. Or start taking some happy pills. What's with all the Debbie Downer posts? I'm going for sardonic. Not quite making it. :)