Monday Madness

(I some how forgot to post this a couple weeks or so ago. Oops!)

Today was the first day of school at home. We got off to a rocky start. The case of organic nectarines I got on Saturday went moldy overnight and I found it right as we were supposed to start school.
I spent an hour cutting the rotten and moldy bits off and freezing the unripe parts that hadn't molded in the hopes they'd be OK for smoothies. I lost 1/2 my case to mold. Grrrrr. While I was doing that, my kids watched Sesame Street. I have nothing against PBS, but my kids aren't exactly attentive when they've just spent a solid hour in front of the boob tube.

I'd say the most successful bit was music time. We listened to the Typewriter Song by the American composer, Leroy Anderson. Tracing 'a' also went over well. Aardvarks? Not so much. I'm hoping the routine of school will help my oldest not be so bratty. I'm giving it a week before I start seriously considering the implementation of corporal punishment into our school day.

In other news, during drawing time, The Boy drew spikes all around his daddy figure. I asked what they were, was told spikes, and upon further clarification found out it was whiskers. Daddy happened to walk in the room toward the end of that conversation. I'm pretty sure he snorted part of the apple he was eating from laughing so hard.

Zsa just likes coloring, which I totally expected and am completely fine with. Her African Animal, the zebra, ended up rainbow colored. Again, totally fine with that.

Here's a little homeschool FYI, they make washable dry erase markers. The regular kind does NOT come out of clothes. The washable version costs aproximately the same amount as my morgage, but it's SO worth it. The last time I gave Zsa a Vis-a-Vis, she totally ruined a smocked dress I'd made her.

Fashion Stuff I Don't Get

I know that I'm old and for the most part leave the house wearing old tee shirts and no makeup and that I rarely do my hair.
But I can still tell what's hip, fashionable and what's SO last season.

Which is why I need somebody to PLEASE tell me what I'm missing with the following trends?

1. Chevron EVERYTHING: rugs, mugs, fabric, wall paint design. Seriously? A Chevron is a military insignia or a gas station, not a fashion statement.

2. Non edible items that look like sushi. Maybe I would understand this more if I liked something sushi-ish besides California rolls, but Dudes, man mastered fire and the 90 second Electrolux boil which means meat can (and should) now be COOKED!

(this is a sushi pillow)

(This seemingly edible child is just wrong on so  many levels. 

Also, what does a banana have to do with sushi?)

I get it with bacon, though. Non edible plush bacon is just cute!

see?

To sum up:

Wrong

Right. 

3. Crafts using paint chips. Seriously? 

And those are my fashion quandaries for September, 2011.
(images courtesy of Pinterest and ThinkGeek.com)

PS For the record, I'm very on board with steam punk. In fact, I've thought it was cool since at least 2008 so clearly, I'm trending WAY before the curve. ;)

Random Funny One-Liners and Convos from Today

Zsa Zsa is playing with a 3-D Nativity puzzle. Her commentary goes like this, "beHOLD! beHOLD! beHOLD!" "Dee red guy goes next to de blue guy. Dee blue guy is next to de guy with de lamb..."

Talking with The Boy about our day I mentioned that we would be going out to the bank.
"But I don't LIKE the bank!"
"Really? Abby (our banker) always gives you candy".
"Oh yeah! I like that place!"


"Mom. I want a hanguber with chicken and salad in it."
"OK, you want a chicken sandwich."
"No! A hanguber with chicken and salad in a bun."
"A hamburger has brown meat, a chicken sandwich has chicken. Do you want a hamburger or chicken?"
"I want a hangabur with chicken!"
<mom orders Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich. Boy is happy.>

Frustrated and Driving Illegally

I am probably the most frustrated I've ever been in my entire life. More frustrated than when ISU told The Hubs that no, he couldn't really graduate because they'd added a couple requirements to his program without bothering to tell him, so he'd need to do yet another semester. More frustrated than when I came home too early from the hospital after The Boy was born and I couldn't sit up on my own or roll over or nurse or get my baby to stop crying or pee.

I have lots of reasons for being this frustrated, but the one I can share on Facebook is that my mail is delivered by Newman.

Remember him?

Yeah.

So I knew that our postman was complete idiot. That is why before our summer migration to Idaho, I drove to the post office, filled out the forward mail form and turned it in. I figured there was no way a guy with the same intelligence as a fence post could figure out what to do with that piece of paper. Oh, I was SO right.

While in Idaho, our bank called to say they got mail back. But by golly, I was getting my Martha Stewart magazine, so I figured the bank thing was just a fluke. It wasn't until we got home I found out my doctor tried to send us a bill. Twice. It got returned. Twice.
After getting that mess straightened out, I get a letter from the great state of Arizona saying they have no record of our car insurance, and if we don't get that cleared up, they'd suspend our license plates. That note came two days before the scheduled date for plate suspension. (NEWMAN!!!!!!!)

Of course the first person I call is my insurance agent. Guess what? They sent the renewal notice while we were gone. It never made it to Idaho.
They cancelled my insurance.
So I've been driving uninsured since mid JULY.
We drove the whole western United States, including the entire length of California COMPLETELY uninsured.
Oh, I'm livid.
Not only that, but it's been so long, our insurance company wants nothing to do with us. They won't backdate the policy. The only companies I can find that will insure us now want TWICE the premiums we were paying previously.
If it were legal to do so, I'd drive down to the post office and file a formal complaint. Alas, I can't go anywhere until this hot mess is straightened out.

I'm also a little ticked that what was supposed to be a year policy turned out to only be six months, despite what it says on the card in my glove box.

I'm gonna go eat some Nutella and Whipped Cream and fantasize about laying in wait for the postman with my imaginary shot gun.

Reading?

It turns out The Boy can read.
Yeah, I am at LEAST as surprised as you are, considering nobody actively taught him.
Here's how I found out.

Today was our Let's Play Music class. We were going over the solfege notes in some of the cords. The Boy READ the notes in the cords. Another mom leaned over to me and said, "He can read?" My flabbergasted response was, "I guess". Yes, I'm witty and brilliant pretty much all of the time.

This evening I was on the laptop and The Boy came up behind me to see what I was doing.
"Mom, that word says off" he says while pointing to a banner ad. My goodness, yes. It does.

So that's the story of how I learned The Boy could read. Sorta wish I could take the credit for this. :)
I don't think he's ready for Cicero, but maybe we could check out some Dick and Jane books or something.

A Better (No Tears) Day

My kids were WAY better today. Holy smokes.

Everyone should have children, if for no other reason than the entertainment value. I'm not saying they're cheaper than RedBox, but they are infinitely more amusing.

Today I was trying to figure out a tricky (to me) sewing project from just a picture while talking to Hubs and lamenting over my poor skills and need for help. The Boy jumped in and said, "I know how to do that! Just cut HERE!" Oh, I nearly peed myself.

A few minutes later during dinner, Zsa Zsa wanted some water, but she hadn't asked nicely. We asked her to use the magic word. She burst out with her answer of, "FOUR!" as the magic word.

You can see how she thinks four is magic. When you are four, you get to go to friend's houses and music class on your OWN! You can open the fridge and get your own snacks. You are pretty much the boss when you are four.

It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops today, but I didn't seriously consider dropping my kids off at one of those "Safe Place" places, unlike yesterday. So I'm calling that a giant step in the right direction.
It also helped I didn't have anywhere I absolutely had to be or anything pressing that needed doing, so I just got to work on Halloween costumes and read a book. We even went to the park. Yay for restful days!

Ugh

Today I kinda want to curl up in a little ball and cry. (Post Script: I did actually curl up and cry)
I'm 96% sure the devil is possessing my children.
The fighting and whining have reached epic proportions. I think I could handle it if the whining had actual words. Both my kids are perfectly capable of articulating, but they find the wordless whine to be more to their liking.
My sweet, wonderful friend took them for a couple hours so I could run some errands. When it was time to go pick them up, I cried.
I hate that.
I don't want to be the mom that cries at the thought of picking up her children.
So I've banned TV for the remainder of the week. Depending on how that goes, I may throw the stupid thing in the trash. TV is evil. I'm pretty sure that's how the devil got IN my kids.
Stink'n Sesame Street...Gateway to Hell covered in a candy coating, that's what you are!

Pre School, Gearing Up

Tomorrow is the first day of our schooled at home preschool.
Our letter is going to be 'A'. (It seemed appropriate.)

So at 7am today the children and I made "acorns" to take for dessert to family dinner.
Because we live in Arizona, my kids had no idea what an acorn was, which kinda proves the point that you're always learning. It wasn't even a school day and we got to have a conversation on where acorns come from and what their purpose is. Fun times!

The original instructions call for doughnut holes, but Fry's didn't have any so I got cream puffs instead. I know, giant improvement!
Anyway, you dip the end of the cream puff in nutella and then in chocolate sprinkles. The stem is 1/2 a pretzel stick. You could cut your sticks in thirds but I'm really lazy so I just shoved the 1/2 stick in further.

Because I'm so awesome, I also made waffles for breakfast and let the kids eat them with nutella on top. They were having a hard time not licking the acorns. Maybe we should have made breakfast first?

Seven Years? Really?

Hubs and I passed our seventh anniversary last weekend. We totally celebrated, by which I mean we went camping with his family. That would be 11 other adults and 27 kids. In the woods. We slept in a tent with our children, skipped showers and peed in a dilapidated outhouse.  What? Isn't that how EVERYONE celebrates their seventh anniversary? Hubs also bought himself an enormous board game. I got flowers. From Wal-Mart. The day after our anniversary.

But don't worry. Hubs is totally making up for it this weekend. We're going to eat at Fudruckers and play mini golf. Hey, there are trade offs for KNOWING your husband will never cheat on you.

Luckily, he's married to me. I've totally remedied this situation. I'm taking us to the batting cages.
Now I just have to figure out a gift that will signify how amazing a wife I've been for the last seven years. I'm debating between legs for our bed and a can opener.

PS In case you think this post is how I really feel there's a disclaimer at the bottom.


DISCLAIMER: I totally love The Hubs. He's perfect for me. He lets me make fun of his still-awkward dating. What could be better than that? And if I *REALLY* cared, I'd plan the date, right? 
Exactly. So this was a work of satire. 

My New (old) Job

was stressing me out. I didn't have time for a massage or time to get my nails done or ANYTHING! Seriously. It was bad.
I know that all new jobs have a learning curve, but usually there's someone there to give you a bit of guidance and maybe some policy and procedure manuals to pretend to read.
Not this job.
Because I'm kinda made it up as I went along.
Ferills.
I was hired as a personal wellness chef for a family facing some pretty hefty health challenges. Like, 8% survival rate type health challenges.
My job was to make food that would most benefit the family using Traditional Chinese Medicine principals AND the guidelines from the various doctors for members of the family. Things like, low sodium, low carb, no sugar (NO SUGAR! WHO DOES THAT!?!?!) and no dairy. Also, everything, including the fruit had to be cooked. Yeah. It's pretty much impossible.

BUT, I did it. AND I did it well.

The problem was, the food didn't taste like it came from McJacky'sChicken. Of COURSE it didn't! It was fresh! home cooked! and actual FOOD! I cooked the same stuff for my family and they ate it. I have toddlers for pete's sake. Talk about a picky group of eaters. (My kids, not the family. Although clearly the same label applies, you won't find ME saying it.)

Anyway, it didn't work out. But I learned a lot of stuff and got some material for the book I've been meaning to write for years but probably never will, because isn't that what everyone is doing?
I thought so.

Clearly, I didn't have enough to do if I thought taking on a job wherein I cooked two fresh meals five days a week was a good idea. I don't even do that for MY family. There's a reason I double every recipe. I do love to cook, though. And it was fun to prepare meals in such a gorgeous kitchen. Fun for the two weeks it lasted.

Pre-School

I've spent the day running between WalHomeStaplEt and my computer. You see, I've finally decided for sure what I'm going to do when it comes to educating my children. For the rest of this year, at least and probably next year.

The Boy is 20 months older than Zsa Zsa. Plus, he's a boy. The way I figure it, I can teach them both the same thing at the same time if I hold him back a bit and push her a little. We did a little test run today, and I think I can modify all our activities just enough that both kids will be challenged adequately. This year, we are doing a preschool. I know it's a little early for Zsa, she's not quite three. BUT she's also super stubborn and wants to do everything The Boy wants to do, so...I thought I'd let her. What ever she picks up and accomplishes, yay. If all she does is color this year, we'll both be happy.

Can I just say that homeschooling is totally and completely 100% overwhelming? Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. Luckily, I have some super stellar cousins and a couple bloggy friends that have been a tremendous support. The best advice I've gotten is, "just give them time and materials. The learning will happen." Oh. You mean I don't have to buy an entire program and stick to it? Cool!

Hopefully this will workout like breastfeeding; it was super hard, but I knew I wanted to do it, so I stuck with it and then suddenly it wasn't so hard and I couldn't figure out why everybody didn't do it because in the end, it seemed SO much easier than bottles. I mean really, who wants to sterilize their pencil boxes and crayons?

Random Facts, Unrelated Items and Other Miscellany

Tip Of The Day: Did you know if you live in Arizona and your water heater is in the garage, you can turn it down to low, or even vacation, for like, the ENTIRE summer and still have hot water? If you do this, please send 1/2 your savings to my PayPal account. Seriously folks, that's at LEAST four months, and probably closer to five of free hot water. Plus, who wants to take a hot shower in Arizona in August? Ferills.

I quit my job. <happy dance> I quit before I even had a chance to tell you about it. That's saying something. Today is my last day. <more happy dancing> (I swear, I'll totally blog it...eventually)

I suck at volleyball, except when I don't

Camping is SO not the cheapest vacation. Whoever said that CLEARLY didn't have access to hotwire.com and a Costco. Every time we go, I spend at least $200 at Wal Mart.

I hate Wal Mart

Forty years ago, my mother in law paid cash (no insurance) for her baby. The total bill for a 5 day hospital stay AND the delivery was ~$400. NOW who doesn't think insurance has skewed the proper price of health care?

Albertson's sells a store brand of the shampoo T-Gel. It's twice the size and half the cost of T-Gel. Husband will be so happy.