The Post Wherein I Do Not Announce "I Have Cancer"

So I visited the marvelous Dr K. Monday. You see, I had a tumor protruding from my (this text has been edited by The Hubs).
Only it turned out NOT to be a tumor. (Feel that power shift in the universe? That's the weight of the world shifting from my shoulders to someone else's)
All I have is a much deeper level of appreciation for men getting prostate exams and a papilla.
Papillas are no big deal.
I don't know why Dr. M couldn't have said that LAST WEEK when I saw him about my alien bum lump and the hostile takeover the mushrooms were waging against my face. Honestly I was in a dead panic. What would YOU think if YOU'RE doctor said, "you need to get that checked out". Geez doc. You could try applying a LITTLE bedside manner...
I mean, my family is SUPER lumpy. We are a lumpy bunch. Lumps are frightening. Panic inducing. I might even go so far as to say they are odd looking.
So I'm pretty happy to have a benign lump, especially because my clothes cover it. :)