May 28, 2011

Lane Bryant

I don't need to shop at Lane Bryant any more, but sometimes I go in there just to look around and remember how fat I used to be.
So while I was in there tonight, the lady behind the counter asked if she could help me. We started talking about if Lane Bryant still carries maternity in the store, because I got the CUTEST maternity wear there back when I still needed to shop in fat people stores.
At the end of the convo the lady called me fat. Ferills.

As we left the store, The Hubs turned to me and said, "Wow. I'm so glad you didn't beat that lady up, because it's time to go get the kids." See, even Mr Socially Oblivious knew this lady was outta line.

Now, I don't like to be mean or anything, but Lane Bryant has a minimum size requirement for their employees. It may be a size 18. This girl fully filled that requirement and then some. Her badonkadonk was so big it ended in the next county. I can't be sure, but it may have needed it's own zip code.

I was JUST in that store, so I KNOW it has mirrors. Maybe the mouthy employee needs to glance at one occasionally. Otherwise she may find herself in need of a new jaw and the teeth to go in it.
Not that I'm sensitive or anything. (W@#*#&$(@#*$@#($*#(@#*$(#*$&@(##*$&

May 22, 2011

Movie Reviews: Thor

In case you looked at Thor and thought, "eh" can I just say, you should reconsider? We went in to this movie not expecting much. After all, it's a superhero movie following arguably the worst Marvel Comic Hero of all time. By worst, I mean most boring AND stupidest costume.

Luckily, Kenneth Branagh decided to direct it, so of COURSE it was fabulous.

In case you don't know, Kenneth is a classically trained at the Royal Academy for Dramatic Art. That's movie speak for: a good actor who may or may not be nice to look at. In his case, he falls into the former category. Personally, I think he looks a little like The Hubs. I digress. He's also directed a decent number of quality films.

Back to the movie.

Thor is visually stunning. The CG is incredibly well done and relevant to the plot.
The story arc is reasonably decent. Better than a Thor comic, not as visceral as say, an X-Men movie.
The acting is also well done. Anthony Hopkins plays Odin All-Father. He was a little hard to recognize under all that hair and bulky armor, but WOW is he a good actor. I believe he's another RADA graduate.

The title lead, Chris Hemsworth, wasn't someone I've run across before, but I can assure you the scene wherein he goes shirtless is totally worth the cost of admission.
 Also, his portrayal of Thor was decent.

Natalie Portman was Natalie Portman. In her defense, she didn't have much to work with. Her character didn't have any development.

All in all, I say it's worth seeing in Theater to support a well done movie that doesn't depend on sex or poor language to sell it.
No cussing, no nudity (other than our shirtless hero) and the costumes covered the females. I thought the addition of classy costumes that weren't slutty was really a breath of needed fresh air in mainstream Hollywood. Thanks, Kenneth, for making a quality movie worth seeing and not selling out for T&A, which you totally could have done, considering the target audience.
Seriously, go see this movie. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

May 21, 2011


1. Throughout the years I've gone to the occasional yoga class. I enjoy yoga, especially when I'm stressed. Just so we're clear, this would not be the same as saying I look good while doing yoga. Yesterday I went to a yoga class at the gym. Admittedly, I was a little concerned when I walked in to class and almost every woman was a size zero and warming up with their lower limbs wrapped around their necks while standing on their heads. Reassurance was given when the instructor asked if anyone was new to yoga and a few hands went up.
That reassurance was gone about twenty minutes into class when I found myself in a position that resembled a human pretzel and was not in the least restful or invigorating. I was also dripping sweat. This morning I woke up, stood to walk to the next room, and found myself unable to sit without extreme discomfort. I think I have to go back next Friday. How out of shape do I have to be to have my trash kicked by YOGA?

2. My sister called earlier in the week and said she missed my babies, so I let her come over and babysit while The Hubs and I went to a late-ish movie. It was awesome, because she also gave us the movie tickets. What a sister! I'll review the movie next post.

3. After shelling out major bucks to get both my children re-shod, we were climbing into the car when my son said, "Mom, I'm turning my nice off." Um, say what? "Nobody helps ME be nice, so I'm turning it off!" Hmmm. Luckily a raspberry kiss behind the ear turned his nice back on, but what a kid!

4. And speaking of shoes, every year when the weather gets warm, my kids' feet sprout. You'd think at some point I would remember and budget for that. Sheez! Both kids were in shoes a size and a half too small.

May 18, 2011


Addendum: It's kinda funny to see this one make it to my most popular blogs list. People from foreign countries keep doing searches for body building pictures and coming HERE. I know. It's hilarious. I really should cite the source for this picture, but I got it from Facebook. Oops.

May 17, 2011

My Bean growing up. For my own records, I'm going to take a moment and record some of her cute, two-year-old-self.

  • Leaving the house last night to run errands, Zsa Zsa was talking to me. "I love daddy. I love brother. I love beans....I Love Leesa, I love Ab-ee, I love DOODLES." 
  • She has a knit blanket my mom made her when she was born. This blanket goes everywhere with her. Since she's getting bigger, this has been something of a challenge, since she has other things she'd like her hands to be doing. Luckily, my inventive daughter has come up with a solution. She now stuffs the blanket under her shirt, thus allowing for blanket closeness AND hand freedom. 
  • I held my sleeping girl in my arms at church today, and noticed she got her first freckle. It's right between her eyes on the bridge of her nose. The Boy's first freckle was on his leg. 
  • She's a pack rat. How many toys can she take with us in the car? As many as will fit in her arms, plus one. That's how many. 

May 15, 2011

Fighting Over Prayer

I love my children. I love their little hearts and their enthusiasm for prayer. I do not love that every family or meal prayer contains a fight over who gets to voice the prayer.
There are typically three prayers in the day we say as a whole family. There are four of us. Daddy is pretty good at putting people in rotation, but of necessity, SOMEONE is bound to get left out on a certain day. Usually it's a parent. Yesterday it was The Boy, and he was heartbroken. I tried to explain, but he felt so left out of our family that it made me so sad.

How do I help these little people understand that prayer is special? That it's a chance for us to visit with our Father in Heaven and be thankful for our many blessings? It's not a popularity contest, it's not something to be fought over?

Needless to say, the Spirit has be lacking in our home at prayer time for a while now. This is not helped by a two year old who doesn't see the need to maintain prayer manners if she's not the one saying the prayer.

I'm at my wit's end. Advice? PLEASE?

May 9, 2011

A Conversation with A Two Year Old

Daddy: Zsa Zsa! What's the matter?
Zsa Zsa: I not MADDER!
Daddy: Zsa Zsa? What's the matter?
Zsa Zsa: I NOT madder! I ZSA ZSA! I upset!

Probably the highlight of my day, right there folks. It's been a doozy! 
Luckily, I'm not the only one. Earlier this evening I read this by Mommamita, and it made me feel better about the whole weekend and motherhood in general, which I have not been holding in very high esteem of late. 
Thanks, Alison. :)

May 7, 2011

Father and Sons: The Update

I woke up early to get ready for a training meeting this morning so I was in the shower at 5:45am when I heard, "Hello? Is anyone home?" It's a good thing I was in the shower, because otherwise I'd have peed my pants.

It turned out the guys came back early. Really early.  The Boy started to vomit about 3am and didn't want to snuggle in Daddy's vomit-free sleeping bag, so they got in the car, but then he didn't want to sleep, so they broke camp and came home early.

At first I thought The Boy had just eaten too many marshmallows, but now, I'm not so sure. He ate a few bites of banana this morning, but that's all so maybe he does have a touch of the gastro.

Poor, poor Hubs! I'm going to do my level best to make sure he gets a nap today. Also, poor Mom. What a reward! I get to clean vomit from camping gear today. That's just super.

May 6, 2011

Movie Reviews: I Am Number Four

I Am Number Four:
Terrible plot, worse acting. I actually had to get up in the middle and leave for a few moments because it was SO bad. I went to the bathroom and texted everyone I knew to warn them away from this motion picture horror. 
Bottom line: if you're drunk, and someone else is paying, you can Redbox it. Just be drunk enough not to remember it the next day or you may want to poke your eyes out with a sharp stick. I get the feeling the book is better. It can't be worse. 

Movie Reviews: The King's Speech

The King's Speech
I saw the PG-13 version in which some F bombs were omitted. 
I saw this movie without The Hubs, because he categorically refused to see it with me. His loss, because this movie was AWESOME.
 I love Colin Firth. Not only is he an excellent actor, but because hello, I have two X chromosomes and he's a fine representation of the male specimen. <fans self> This movie ALSO had Jennifer Ehle, and if I could have changed one thing in the movie, it would be to have Jennifer play the Queen opposite Collin, instead of the wife of the speech therapist. There's no such thing as too much Jennifer Ehle in any movie. (WHY she hasn't been in much I can stand to watch since Pride and Prejudice I'll never know, but for your own Sanity, never rent Chamomile Lawn. I turned it off 10 minutes in.)
(see? even the stars use Glamor Shots)
This movie instantly connected you to it's characters, was solid in all it's acting and dialog, had plenty of moments in which to laugh if you're paying attention, and gave a supremely uplifting message: if you try hard enough, you can overcome most anything. 
Bottom Line: If you don't care about ratings or can find it in PG-13, it's worth owning, and not just because Collin's in it. I would put it in my collection next to Sea Biscuit. 

Movie Reviews: HANNA

Hanna is movie about a girl who is trained from birth to be a killer. There is quite a lot of imagery and generalized angst and suspense. It would have been a great show...if they'd done the ending a tad differently. And maybe skipped the part with the nice guy hanging upside down, shot through with several arrows. I can't say more without giving away the entire plot.
Still of Saoirse Ronan in Hanna
The new girl, Saoirse Ronan does a great job, as does Kate Blanchett. The acting is not the weak part of this film, it's all plot. It tries to be Borne Identity but it doesn't have Robert Ludlum to develop the story line.  They did do a really nice job with over-the-top and in-your-face imagery, though. The circular ice flow at the beginning kinda gives away the ending. Just say'n. Obvious from the start, even though you spend the entire movie hoping for a different outcome.
Bottom Line:2 1/2 stars. Wait for it to show up in NetFlix Instant Play.

Father and Sons, a Mom's Perspective

This weekend is our church Father and Sons camp out. The Boy has been practically apoplectic with excitement for a good week now. This morning I did some last minute shopping for things like buns and s'more fixn'ns. The Boy REALLY wanted to come shopping with me, but not enough to stop watching a movie and get dressed in the 90 minute window I gave him. He was kinda pathetic running down the drive in his super hero undies and pj top with tears and snot dripping down his otherwise handsome face.
So sad that he has to suffer the consequences of his actions, isn't it? I know. I win the Best Mother Award.
(Just so no one calls CPS, The Hubs works from home and was on board to take over if he didn't get dressed in time.)
When it came time for the guys to leave on their trip, Zsa Zsa was just so sure she'd be going, too. And why not? She always gets to go when Daddy leaves!
As she snuggled me on the couch in tears I asked her if she thought she was a girl or a boy, and with out missing a beat, she said, "I a BOY!" This statement was made just that much more hilarious by the pink and frilly tutu around her waist.
So I've done my best to make our girl time special. We watched Gone With The Wind and Caillou and I made exactly what she requested for dinner, "eggies and straw-babies". Later, she gets to take a spa bath and have her nails painted. And maybe, if she's a very good kid, I'll play trucks with her before bed. But only if we get to wear our pink tutus.

PS: I have to say, if I had all boys I'd really look forward to Father and Sons all year long; but if I had all girls, like my mother, I'd dread it. How awful to have to stay home with FIVE girls and no help! Sorry, Mom.

May 3, 2011


Monday was wash day (and bread day and watch the kids day and make rocket ships out of cardboard boxes day, but those aren't relevant).
Every once in a while, I think I'm starting to get used to Arizona and it's brownness. I even got excited to see the pale green of my Palo Verde tree this week.  But since Monday was laundry day and I had all my shirts hanging in the laundry at the same time, I realized something;

I wore green EVERY DAY last week, which obviously means I'm missing green. Or that I'm stuck in the movie Ground Hog Day and the holiday that was repeating happened to be St. Patrick's.
Either Way...
People who live in "my" part of Idaho will laugh that I'm calling it green, but trust me peeps, it's more green than here. MUCH more. Especially the South Hills. And The Sawtooth Range. And a little bit the Rockies. I miss Alturas Lake and Red Fish Lake and pretty much the entire state of Idaho.
Luckily, we're coming to visit! Soon! When we can't afford the air conditioning here any more.

Photo by Art Hale. I  took it from the internet. I hope Art, whoever he is, doesn't mind. Thanks, Art. The people of Arizona thank your for your ability to capture the color green. And lakes.

May 2, 2011

Santa VS Jesus

Had an interesting conversation with The Boy today. It made me question the efficacy of all the religious indoctrination we've been practicing around here of late. It went something like this:

"Mom, why does Jesus have a white beard?"
"Well, I suppose that's the color he likes it."
"No, Mom! It's because the snow at the North Pole is white!"
"Son, Santa and Jesus are not the same person."
"They AREN'T?!? How COME, Mom!"
< silence >
<more silence>
<yet more silence>
"Because they aren't. Jesus loves us all the time. Santa only loves us once a year. Or something."
Seriously, people. I had nothing.
It's possible I'm not cut out for this parenting thing.